This can be something so nerve wracking that it is a conversation that never actually gets verbalized between partners! I can completely understand and empathize with this. Here are some tips that will help give you some guidance and understanding.
First and foremost...
How is your relationship right now?
Is it strong and healthy? Do you know your partner’s love languages and are on point with filling their cup in the ways that they receive it? Do you have communication skills that allow you to work your way through uncomfortable conversations and situations, trusting that the other has your best intentions at heart? How is the desire in your relationship? Are you both confident in feeling like you are your partner’s number one? If your relationship is a strong and healthy one, then having this conversation will be much easier, as you will both be able to see the involvement of someone else in your intimate/sexual life as something that will bring depth and adventure to the relationship rather than threaten it.
Secondly...
What is the ‘why’ behind wanting to involve someone else?
Is your relationship lacking and you want to fill a void? Do you have fantasies that your partner cannot help fulfill on their own? Have you always felt like being a part of a consensual non-monogamous relationship makes more sense for you and you are finally ready to voice it (or maybe just can’t deny that part of you any longer)? When you know your ‘why’ and it is genuine, truthful and presented with respect it is easier to be able to have a healthy conversation around the topic. Just remember to have patience and grace; as well as the conversation shouldn’t be about arguing with someone until they change their mind. You want to present your feelings, your why, your ideas; what you want/need and then allow your partner to formulate their own opinion and have their own feelings validated.
Third...
Be open to the conversation happening many times over time.
This isn’t just a one- time talk, it is an ongoing thing. You each need time to continue to speak your needs/wants/fears and be heard, then process. Then, if they agree, it becomes a whole other conversation (blog for another time, lol).
Affirm your partner in who they are to you.
If the reason why you want to involve others sexually into your relationship is because you are feeling a void, disconnected, not desired, unseen…then the wise move for your heart, for their heart and the life you have together is to work on reconnecting and refueling your sexual connection with them. It is possible.
Questions or need support?
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