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Writer's pictureMariel Nichole

Sex Toy Double Standard

Women with sex toys is a turn on, why is it not the same when it comes to men?


When most people hear talk about sex toys, they imagine the user being a female and it is actually something that is a turn on; however if the user ends up to be a male all of a sudden the narrative changes. It is completely normal for a woman to have dildos of all shapes and sizes (& colours) and vibrators; and yet if a man has a silicone mould of a pussy or ass there is some sort of distorted view of his integrity.


Women literally throw ‘Passion Parties’ where they get together with friends and strangers to talk about masturbating and purchase toys. Does this happen the other way around?


Men usually know about their partner’s toys, and are quite often invited to use them on their partner during play to accentuate the experience and aid in reaching climax; but how often do we see a pocket pussy coming out during play and being used on the male? Most women would throw a fit.




Why is masturbation aided by toys encouraged and completely embraced for women whereas men doing the same thing is seen as ‘perverted’?


Is this not a form of sexism?


Over the course of history, women have been using ‘help’ to pleasure themselves, whether it be dick shaped food, wooden & stone dildo’s (even in the Roman and Greek era the wives of soldiers would be gifted leather covered dildo’s when they went to war!) but men have been expected to go out and do ‘manly tasks’ & only fuck pussy!


We see men who get their pleasure from a ‘fake pussy’ as ‘sad’, ‘pathetic’ or even ’perverted’. “Can’t you just go find a girl to relieve yourself for the night?”


But at the same time, if that same man were to not be using his toy and rather sleeps with lots of people becomes seen as a ‘fuckboy’ and lowers our respect for them.


Could some of this have to do with the ‘danger’ we label male sexuality?


As someone who has been on the receiving end of rape and sexual assault, I know all too well the danger that lays within the masculine sexual energy. With most of the sexual offences being done by males it is understandable why there is a label on them, however it paints a massive generalisation brush over all males that is quite damaging. It is behind the social thought pattern of feminine sexual urges and actions to release that as sexy and beautiful and a man’s as ‘dangerous’, ‘gross’, & ‘perverse’.




Could it have to do with the fact that men don’t necessarily ‘need’ a toy to sexually release during masturbation whereas many women do in fact need a toy to help them get to climax on their own? But why should this take away the fun and the more interactive masturbating experience for men?


So many stigmas around this topic! So many questions to get to the root of where they come from.


At the end of the day, there is completely a double standard and the only way of removing it is by talking about it. We cannot change mindsets and perspectives if we shy away from uncomfortable conversations.


Men, if you have a toy or you would like to explore them, know that there is actually nothing to feel shame or insecure about. You deserve to have a fun and healthy exploration of your own body and the different tools that can assist you in feeling pleasure.


Have the conversation with your partner and include them in the play, make it an adventure you can go on together. When we begin to create our own normal, our own reality and our own sense of self and sexuality it becomes something that connects us to each other in a deeper way.


Have questions or need support? Reach out discreetly 604-337-7127.


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