Ah yes, I feel like this is a many layered topic that requires self reflection, communication, and respect.
Having a friend move from platonic feelings of comradeship to romantic should not be surprising. How many of us have heard the ‘marry your best friend’ saying. Except now we maybe say ‘partner up with your best friend’?
Here is the thing though; if you are just going off of assumptions, due to actions and insinuations, then you do not actually know this to be the realistic truth. There are many cases where one party feels like this is the truth due to everything they are reading between the lines, however are completely off base. The other party is just 100% comfortable and confident in the relationship and they slide into a partnership mode.
Take a minute and look back at some of your relationships. Think about the amount of time and energy you spend on each other, the vulnerability you share, the memories. There is actually everything that parallels a committed romantic relationship built into our close friendships, just minus the sexual energy.
Sometimes when we come from a history of being pursued constantly, whether that is wanted or unwanted, it creates a hyper-awareness that puts assumptions on people and relationships that are not necessarily based on fact. So people get close, and because in the past people who got close ended up wanting more and ended up getting into a sexual encounter and then changing the relationship dynamic in a way that is undesired; and our first reaction is to put up a barrier and then worry about it.
So, there are a couple things to do here.
First of all, examine what has happened to make you feel like there is a change in feelings from friendship to more. Are you reading between the lines and perhaps projecting your own history onto it? If you put the time into pondering this and you still feel as though the case is the want for a dynamic change then it goes to step two..
Ask yourself some questions.
How do you feel about the change?
Why is this something you wouldn’t want to pursue?
What is this person’s values, life view and mindset, their mission and goals?
Do they align with yours?
What is stopping you from having feelings for them?
If you have desire to have anything besides a platonic friendship with this person, then you need to consider what boundaries you need to put in place to not only keep yourself safe, but also thinking about keeping them safe as well (this is not me saying you can control their emotions, at the end of the day everyone has to make their own choices to keep their own hearts safe, but it is respectful and kind for you to put thought into it as well).
After you have done this reflective work then you move to COMMUNICATION. Bet you didn’t see that coming (Lol)!
Up to this point, unless this person has come right out and confessed their feelings for you, it is still a speculation. Clear communication is vital, in any relationship. You need to set up a safe and brave space to have a conversation around your relationship dynamic. This is where you agree to have honest conversation in order to love and respect each other and the relationship that exists between you.
During the talk, you have the opportunity to share your thoughts, concerns, insecurities, past transgressions that have tainted situations like this for you. Take it!
Remember that in this life, there are many people that we can have amazing love stories with; but there are few we can build a life with. You choose your partner, you don’t find them. Yes, sexual attraction and energy is important, but sometimes when we are busy being friends and supporting each other in that dynamic we don’t slow down to consider something else. This is a neat opportunity to do that, and to take a massive compliment from a friend (who knows you so well!), and it's that they find you attractive after knowing the good, bad, & other!
Want to discuss this further? Need Support? Reach me discreetly at 604.337.7127
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